Food Report, Day 1

Time to report my meals again each night for accountability.  I go out of town again in 13 days, so I'm committing to  report my food for 12 days.  Goal: Lots of veggies each day, no desserts, no flour, no eating after dinner with the exception of fruit and veggies.

Breakfast--Oatmeal with apples, spinach, walnuts, chia seeds, maple syrup

Lunch--Tortilla soup minus the tortillas, brown rice, two clementines

Snack--Apple and peanut butter

Dinner--Air-fried potatoes, quinoa, sautéed veggies, chickpeas

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 42nd birthday and I'm feeling great!

I didn't post last week because our family went out of town last Friday to visit relatives for the weekend.  When we returned, we had house guests, and then my hubby and I went out of town again two days ago and we are still gone.  I have been doing some intense online training for my piano teaching, but I decided I should take a break and give a report on my health efforts.

As I said in my opening line, I'm feeling great.  Have I lost weight?  Maybe a tiny bit, but that's not what I'm excited about.  These past couple of weeks have taught me that the number on the scale doesn't affect how I feel as much as my food choices affect how I feel.  If I feel that I am in control of my food rather than my food controlling me, I feel an inner peace and contentment.  Now, if the scale had gone up, I'm not sure I would have felt so content, but even with it not going down as much as I need it to to be on target for my "healthy wage," I'm just so thrilled that I have been able to navigate many of my trigger situations withou bingeing or bailing out on my efforts.

Travel and vacations have alway been a trigger for me to overeat and especially to eat the wrong foods.  On our 5 to 6 hour drive to PA last weekend, I did have some moments when I came close to giving up.  I ate before we left, I had carrots and apples to munch on, but it's just not the same when everyone around you is eating Cheetos and peanut m&m's. I didn't know those foods had a smell, but they do, and when you are a car for an extended period of time with them, you start to question the importance of your commitment NOT to eat that stuff.  By the time we stopped for dinner, I was hanging on by a thread.  My family wanted to eat at Steak & Shake.  I knew from experience there weren't any satisfying choices for me there, not to mention that watching my family eat burgers, fries, and milkshakes was not going to help me at all.  I chose to drive to Subway and eat by myself instead. As I did, I thought about the social complications of eating WFPB.  It can be isolating in some ways, but I tried not to linger on that thought because it doesn't serve me.  I tried to enjoy the peace and quiet of eating by myself (which after a long car ride with four boys was actually quite nice) and I kept reminding myself that the sacrifice was worth it.

Things got more challenging at my brother's house.  Between me being a vegetarian who wasn't eating sugar, and my kids being picky, my sister-in-law didn't know what to cook and she felt bad.  Maybe frustrated too?  I had brought my own food (which was awkward in ways), and I told her to make whatever she normally made and my kids would eat the parts they liked, but it was just a bit uncomfortable and that is hard for me.  I used to be the person you could count on to gobble up your made-with-love-home-cooked food and gush over how wonderful it was.  That is how I like to be as a guest and it's hard to not be that person anymore.  I just had to try to be a gracious guest in other ways, while rejecting her homemade cinnamon rolls and chicken pot pie!  Once again, the social aspect of this lifestyle change is no small matter.  It's something I have to come to terms with. I have to accept that I'm going to be different than the way I used to be, that it's okay, that it's worth it.  I have to accept that vacation and travel is going to be different.  It's not going to be about visiting the unique ice cream parlors, trying new restaurants, eating fun snacks, etc.  It's different.

So once I navigated that trip, I had to navigate having guests at my home and trying to make meals that would work for everyone.  Because our guests were sight-seeing, I really only had to do one big dinner.  We had a baked potato bar, salad, and chill.  There were rolls, toppings, and desserts that they could eat that I didn't, but there was still enough food for me to be satisfied.

Now I'm on a trip with hubby.  We are staying in a condo and cooking most of our meals here and they are healthy.  There is a small part of me that says, "that's no fun," but there is another part of me that is grateful to save money by cooking ourselves and grateful to only have to cook for two!  We are keeping it pretty simple anyway.  Last night we went out to dinner for my birthday and I gave myself permission ahead of time to overeat and have dessert for that one meal.  Dessert once a week is built into my food plan, so I can eat it without the guilt and that is really nice.  I enjoyed eating an abundance of food last night, but it was also a good reminder that although overeating feels pleasurable when you are doing it, it doesn't feel so great afterward when you are stuffed and lethargic.  Good reminder!  Having not felt that way for a couple of weeks, I really noticed the difference.

My focus the past two weeks has been to eat high-nutrition and enough calories at each meal to feel satisfied so I'm not fighting the urge to snack or eat the wrong foods.  It is really working.  I haven't struggled with cravings and I have been able to not eat after dinner and be okay.  Reminding myself that's the urge to eat at night is a "conditioned response" that I can train away is also helping. That is something that was discussed in the link I posted last week.  All in all, I feel really happy to be in control of my food choices and to be following my personal food plan.

That's all for now.  Time to get back to my Simply Piano training.

Daily Report Day 4

Still going strong.  I ate dinner earlier than usual and didn't have time to finish it before I ran to a meeting.  I was definitely more hungry tonight as a result, but I ate my fruit and survived. :)  It doesn't help that it's 1:30 a.m. ( a long time past dinner).  I was busy researching some stuff for my piano teaching, but I didn't want to miss my nightly report before I head to bed.

Food for today:
Breakfast: Quinoa, Tofu, stir-fry veggie bowl, grapes
Lunch: Vegetable Indian Curry with rice, apple
Dinner: Pei Wei Terriayki bowl with Tofu and vegetables
Snack: Grapes, Banana

Daily Report Day 3

Hooray for another day I can feel good about!  Today was my weigh-in day and I was surprised to see I actually weighed a tiny bit less than last week.  It was only a few ounces, but with all that bingeing last weekend, I was happy.  I am hoping for even better things next Wednesday after a week of faithfully following my program.

Food for today:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with apples, walnuts, chia seeds, maple syrup

Lunch: Autumn Harvest salad kit, Quinoa, Tofu, and stir-fry veggie bowl, grapes

Snack: Apple

Dinner: Autumn Harvest salad kit, chickpea kale soup, hummus veggie quesadilla (no cheese), grapes

Daily Report

 I followed my program today and I'm feeling happy.  Not eating after dinner definitely takes some getting used to.  I am hungry, but I don't have cravings, and that makes all the difference.  I definitely feel the desire to eat, but it's habit as much as anything, and I just have to find my new normal of not eating at night and being slightly hungry.  I won't die. LOL!  I've had adequate nutrition for the day and I just have to remember that.

Breakfast: Left-over vegan potato salad, baked beans, and grapes
Snack: Popcorn
Lunch: Two bowls of Autumn Harvest salad (Kit frim BJ's) with chopped apples, Chickpea Kale soup
Dinner at Panera Bread with friends: 1/2 Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich, Autumn Squash soup, Apple

Nightly Report

Day one down and I kept all of my commitments.  It sounds so simple, but there was plenty of temptation.  My family tried to go miniature golfing, but the place was closed, so hubby drove the kids to Wendy's for food instead...I stayed in the car.  Once we got home, they ate cake and ice cream while we watched a movie.  Hubby also bought a giant loaf of french bread to go with the healthy soup I made for dinner.  I really wanted some of that bread, but it's not on my plan and I didn't eat it. I kept reminding myself that the first day is always the hardest.

I watched a fascinating video today while cooking my soup that explains scientifically why we do some of the things we do when it comes to binge-eating and night-stuffing.  It's not because we are dumb, unintelligent people who can't get our act together.  There are massive forces working against us in our genes and biochemistry.  Understanding what's going on can help us beat those forces.  I would explain more, but I must get to bed.  I highly recommend the video which can be found HERE.

I took photos of my food today, but I'm having problems loading them.  This is what I ate:

--Oatmeal with apples, spinach, walnuts, chia seeds, and maple syrup.
--Potato salad made with homemade, oil-free, vegan salad dressing.  Baby carrots.  Garden Salad.
--Smoothie with banana, spinach, berries, almond milk, PB powder, and cocoa.
--Chickpea Kale Soup, baked potato, garden salad.

Recommitting after Relapse

I'm back!  My first video in months and I had technical difficulties that cut it off.  An alarm went off on my phone and I thought it was still filming, but it turns out it wasn't.  I'm just going to leave it as it is and write about the things I was in the middle of saying, but didn't end up catching on film.

A short recap of the video:

I have not abandoned my WFPB lifestyle endeavor, but I have had many ups and downs in that endeavor over the past few months and particularly the past few days.  I made a "healthy wage" at the beginning of September where I bet I could lose 50 pounds in 10 months.  I pay money every month until then.  If I reach my goal, I get my money back PLUS I get a big prize.  I was hoping that wage would massively motivate me, but it only worked for about a week! I have been binge-eating at night the past few days, always with the intention to "start over and be perfect" the next day. Well...the addiction is real.  The struggle is real.  It's hard to keep believing in myself when I get into this cycle, but the only thing I can do is KEEP TRYING!   I am determined to turn things around TODAY so this video is my recommitment to my own personal food plan.  I will be reporting every day this week, and I'm also committing to post on my blog at least once a week, although it won't necessarily be with a video.

Now for what I was in the middle of saying when my camera shut off.  I was talking about Heather from "The Butterfly Effect Plant-Based Weight Loss" YouTube channel.  This is a woman who has lost almost 300 POUNDS.  She is 9 pounds away from her goal weight and a 300-pound loss.  Wow! Can you imagine?!  As I was walking on the treadmill this morning, I watched the first video she made, and then I watched the video she made about a year ago after she had lost almost 200 pounds and went through a relapse, and then I watched her most recent video.  I could really relate to her feelings of despair, embarrassment, discouragement, and fear when she talked about her relapse and the large quantity of weight she gained back during it.  BUT, she didn't let that relapse go on forever.  It didn't defeat her for good.  She spoke honestly about what happened, recommitted, asked her community for help, and tried again.  Now she is 148 pounds, 9 pounds away from her goal.  Wow! This inspired me.  Last night, I was feeling a lot of despair and disappointment in myself and feeling that it was hopeless to try to change, but it's not.  I knew that even before watching Heather's videos. I had already recommitted and made a new plan for myself, but Heather's story just confirmed and strengthened my resolve to keep trying and not give up.  THIS IS LIFE.  We keep trying to improve ourselves, we fall, we get back up, and we try again and again and again.  I am going to be making a video down the road that shows that this relapse (or maybe I should say series of relapses) did not stop me from reaching my goal.  I can't wait for that video!

A few links related to things I mentioned in my video:

Evening Visualization MP3 from John Gabriel.

Learn more about making a Healthy Wage.  I'm still not sure this was the smartest thing I did, but it's too late to go back now!

Week 37

I'm so annoyed.  I have been in the kitchen for 3+ hours making my darn healthy food and I didn't plan on it taking that long and now I have 7 minutes before I have to pick the kids up from the bus, my house is a mess, and all the other projects I was going to do when I finished cooking are left undone.  One of the projects on my list was to make a video for this blog again.  As the time ticked away, I realized a video wasn't going to happen, but I would at least write and give an update on the last month (or two?) since I last wrote.  Well now...I don't even have time for that.  I've mentally composed so many blog posts and video logs while driving the car, taking showers, and so forth.  I just can't seem to actually get it done because I'm so busy with my piano teaching, my stamping business, mothering, COOKING, and so forth.  I'm really feeling the pain and inconvenience of choosing a plant-based lifestyle and I'm TRYING to hang on to the positive aspects.  I've been watching some inspirational vidoes the past couple of days and I start out every day feeling jazzed about health and fitness.  Then, as the hours tick away, and the checklists don't get completed, and unexpected things happen, I feel my excitement leave me and by the time dinner is done, I want to veg on the couch and eat away my stress and frustration.  This is NOT AT ALL what I wanted to post about (my planned post was much more positive), but this is my reality at the moment and I had to rant to someone!  Time to go to the bus.  Hopefully a more positive post is coming soon!

Week 32 Report

I'm alive!  I haven't fallen off the face of the earth and I haven't given up on my health journey, although I can't say I've made any progress since I last wrote.  Summer has been so busy!  Not in the usual way, but in different ways.  I have worked less at my job (not as many piano lessons), but played much more!  I've played with family, with friends, traveling, day trips, parties, and indulging in my hobby (papercrafting). It's been nice, but I'm ready to get back on a routine schedule soon as all the changes and fluctuations each day/week have made it more challenging to stay with my program.

On my last blog post, I was so excited to report a 3-pound loss.  The next week I weighed and gained 3 pounds and I couldn't figure out WHY!  It affected me more than it should have, in spite of all the things I read and watched about weight fluctuating, and in spite of the pep talks I kept trying to give myself.  I just felt frustrated and I think I relaxed my efforts instead of increasing them.

Not too long after that, I went on a "Pioneer Trek" with the youth from church.  We basically dressed up in pioneer clothes and spent a couple days pushing and pulling handcarts and basically reenacting the Mormon journey out West (similar to the Oregon Trail).  My husband and I were the Ma and Pa to some awesome youth and we loved that experience in some ways.  On the other hand, it was honestly the most physically exhausting thing I've ever done.  The heat index was over 100 and I don't handle the heat well.  I was in this opressive, humid heat straight for 2 1/2 days, no relief while cooking over a hot dutch oven, or at night while sleeping on a tarp on the hard ground.  I brought my own special food and an extra dutch oven to cook it in (what a pain), but I broke my "no treat" efforts on that trail with the dutch oven desserts after dinner. I came home with every intention to get back into healthy eating, but I was so wiped out, I couldn't muster up will power to do anything for about a week.  I know that sounds crazy!  My hubby said we had "cart lag."  Ha, ha.

At the beginning of August, I weighed 196.  I decided to go a whole month without weighing so I could just focus on eating healthy and not let the number on the scale drive me crazy.  I committed to not eating treats, not eating after 9, and not eating white flour (with a few exceptions) until I got down to 175.  I decided I wouldn't weigh until September first.  I was already not eating meat (it's the only thing I've stuck too), so I didn't need to stipulate that.  How have I been doing with my commitment?  I was doing well until today.  I was up talking to my daughter at 1:00 in the morning and I just decided to eat crackers (I guess I was lacking will power/commitment at that time). Today that has spiraled into more crackers because, what the hay?  I've already "broken" my commitment. When I got back from the store an hour ago (where I bought healthy ingredients for dinner), I ate left-over cheese pizza that was in the fridge.  We had a "Trek Family Reunion" at our house Saturday night and we ordered WAY TOO MUCH pizza which is now sitting in my fridge.  No, I still haven't managed to clean up my environment enough to not have it affect me.

On the positive side, I'm still cooking vegan meals most nights.  I'm still getting on the treadmill (although it hasn't been as long each day, I've kept the habit).  I haven't been eating desserts (so crucial!); I made it through the amusement park last week without eating treats and two parties on Saturday where there were treats galore for the taking.  Tomorrow is the first day of a Kid's Craft Camp I'm running for a few days.  I'm hosting another craft class on Saturday, and we go on family vacation on Sunday.  Things won't be routine and "stable" for at least another two weeks, but I'm still trying to hang on to some health habits!  I hope to get back into making my weekly video reports once school starts and the kids are back in school.  Then again, I will be homeschooling my two teenagers, but they are usually happy to leave me alone. :)  I hope I can muster up the will-power and desire to do another 7-day Engine 2 Rescue or something similar to get the weight going down again, but I'm really holding off on making a massive commitment until the vacation is over.  I'm really just hoping I can make it through this month without gaining!

That's all for now!

Week 26 Report

Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, I lost 3.2 pounds!  I got on and off the scale five times to make sure it wasn't a mistake! :)  I am now 192.2, exactly 26 pounds less than when I started.  Yes, I would still like to lose a lot of weight, but as I said in my last post, I'm learning to appreciate where I am and how far I've come.

I've been trying to figure out what I did differently to make that weight come off.  I felt like I mostly ate and exercised the same as I had the week before, though when I really think about it, I did have less chips and I did eat out less.  For the record, my goal is not to eat any chips...but it is the thing I "cheat" on the most. Tortilla/corn chips don't have animal products or sugar, so it's easy to rationalize, even though I know they are calorie dense.  I also think the weight loss could have come when it did because perhaps it is the cycle of my body to hang on to weight for awhile, almost testing me to see if I'm serious about keeping up the good habits, and then it will finally drop a few pounds in one week.  I'm not sure, but I'm grateful.  I had already decided the health and mental benefits of eating this way were worth it, even without the scale going down, but it was nice to see the scale go down all the same.  It was a motivating boost to keep doing what I'm doing.

Today is the 4th of July.  Happy Fourth!  We always spend the day at our relative's house, swimming and of course, eating.  Jason's godmother always makes Tri-tip which was formerly one of my favorite ways to eat beef.  I was able to navigate Memorial Day successfully without eating meat, so I'm not too worried about that.  The most tempting thing will be the "fruit pizza" I make once a year on the 4th of July.  My 10-year-old son gets so excited about it, so I'm still going to make it, even though you could argue that I shouldn't make it.  It's sugar cookies topped with cream cheese topping and strawberries and blueberries.  I feel like the hour-long foot rub penalty will save me. :)  (For the record, my hubby gives me hour-long foot rubs all the time for no reason!  He's a sweetie!.)  I'm also making my "Thanksgiving rolls" today which I only make twice a year--once on Thanksgiving and once for my niece's birthday in the summer (because she loves them so much).  We are celebrating her birthday today, so I'm making rolls, and yes, I will probably eat some, and I'm okay with that.  I have definitely used food to show my love over the years and though I realize it's problematic, I'm not quite ready to change it just yet.

Time to go get on the treadmill before I start baking.  Here are some photos of the healthy food I have been eating and cooking the past couple of weeks.  And no, I don't believe my children tried even one bite of this food!

Cabbage Rolls stuffed with veggie loaf

Cabbage Rolls with vegan mashed potatoes on the side

Sweet & Sour Tofu

Tofu scramble with kale, onion, and peppers

Dinner at Outback steakhouse.  My son got the steak and I ate the sides.

Lunch at Pei Wei--Terriyaki with Tofu and vegetables--Amazing!

Veggie burgers made with a mix from Joe's Oat Patties, yummy!

I put the oat patties on a bun, but decided I liked them better wrapped in lettuce.

Mexican Tortilla Bake, recipe from TheVegan8

Served the Mexican food with broccoli and zucchini, not traditional, but I wanted to get the greens in.

Week 25 report

I'm accepting that I'm not going to get a video made this week, so I thought I would at least come report.

At my Sunday weigh-in, I weighed the exact same weight as last week, to the 10th of a pound.  It's the exact same weight I weighed 4 weeks ago.  I didn't have to give any foot rubs as I stuck to not eating treats and not eating at night. 😄👍 I felt good about my food choices, although I know they were nowhere near as stellar as they could be.  I did feel like I was eating too much, so I wasn't surprised I didn't lose weight.  The funny thing is, I didn't really mind.

I'm in this weird, yet really nice, acceptance phase of my body right now.  As long as I eat right (according to my standards, not others), I feel really great, regardless of what the scale says.  I've had this epiphany of sorts that people struggle with body image and body acceptance no matter how small they get.  There is always something to pick at, and reaching a healthy weight is not the end of the destination.  It's just one step in the life-long journey to stay healthy.  I guess this has made me feel in less of a hurry to "arrive" at that destination and more interested in enjoying the journey. It's going to be a long one! 😊.

I obviously need to eat less calories to continue to lose weight.  I could do this the old-fashioned way of counting calories, weighing my food, tracking, etc.   Or I could focus on eating more low-calorie, nutrient-dense food (greens, beans, potatoes) and really work on eliminating the calorie dense foods (flour products, oils, vegan meat substitutes). Or I could keep eating the way I am and just try to eat a little less at each meal.  There are a lot of things I could do....but right now....I'm kind of content to just keep doing what I'm doing.  I'm working hard to get the family to eat more plant-based, but part of that is cooking more calorie-dense meals that will appeal to them.  If I eliminated flour, oil, salt, and snacking, I would definitely drop weight, but I may end up resenting the journey and bailing out of the path.  Part of me still thinks I can make my way towards that healthy weight without completely eliminating those things...so that's where I'm at right now.  I'm going to keep exercising, keep eating healthy foods, and keep trying to eat more nutrient-dense, low-calorie foods.  Every time I make up my mind to do more than that, I end up bingeing to some extent.  I feel like I have a million other things to focus on and attend to right now (exaggerating, I know).  I'm making my physical health a priority, more so than ever before, but I can't let it become the all-consuming purpose of my life.  I've made some pretty drastic changes (no meat, no treats, no night snacking, very little dairy, big increase in fresh produce, daily exercise), and today, I'm content to just maintain those changes.  Maybe next week I'll be ready to step it up a little so I can see the scale go down again. 😊. If not, I'm learning to love myself where I am.  Yes...even at 195.4 pounds!

Week 24 Report

This past week felt like re-take after re-take in the "film" I'm trying to make of living healthfully.  I never did quite get the scene right.  I gained exactly one pound.  I weigh the exact same weight I did four weeks ago.  I guess the only silver lining in that cloud is that I don't weigh more than I did four weeks ago.  That's about all I can find to celebrate.  Also...I haven't given up yet.  I still made a video. I'm still trying.

Here are a few photos of the healthy stuff I cooked and ate:

White bean green enchiladas.  I would post the recipe, but I didn't love them.

Sweet potato, kale, vegan sausage bowl

Indian Vegetable Curry

Curry on rice with tofu ranch dressing

Meals prepared for lunches for hubby and me.

All of the following was in my house one night and I did NOT eat any of it!  A friend dropped off the pie when I wasn't home and my hubby brought in the rest for a party, along with chips, soda, and ice cream!  I ate too much this week, but at least I didn't eat all of these sweet things...even though I really wanted to!

Blueberry Lemon Pie, dropped off warm and fresh on my counter while I was out grocery shopping!

Large chocolate cake from Costco

Fresh-baked, warm chocoloate chip cookies my hubby made.  These were the hardest to resist!

Week 23 Report

I've finally accepted that I'm not going to get a video made this week, too many things going on.  Now that my kids are out of school, it's going to be harder to get videos made because I don't like to do it when people are around.  There may be more written reports for awhile, but I won't abandon videos entirely.

I have a lot to say, but I need to be quick since I have an appointment this morning and I've got to get on the treadmill before then.  I keep waiting for the week to pass by where I can come on here and say, "I was awesome!  I totally rocked it!"  I have had those weeks, but it feels like it has been a long time since I have had them.  I just feel like it's all I can do right now to tread water.  I'm not moving forward, but I'm not sinking.  I do kind of feel like I'm barely hanging on at times.  Some days it's all I can do to just not eat sugar or meat.  It seems to depend on how different my schedule is from the norm, how much I'm running around, and whether or not unexpected things come up and whether or not I've planned my meals ahead of time.  Analyzing all of this constantly has helped me understand why I've never successfully lost weight and kept it off before.  It ain't easy!  It takes continual effort, diligence, commitment, recommitment, and so forth.  I have to keep reminding myself that all of this effort is worth it!

I lost one pound exactly last week.  I was hoping to blast off 3 pounds or more by being extra diligent, but it didn't happen.  It's okay.  One pound down is still one pound down. I was on the go a bunch and ate out a bunch.  I ate really great the first part of the week and not so great the second.  When all was said and done, I was happy to lose one pound.

That's all for now.  Gotta go exercise before the kids wake up!

Week 22 Report

I went on an awesome little trip with my hubby last weekend.  We visited Monticello, we visited a grist mill, we went on a beautiful, yet challenging, hike at Crabtree Falls.  My fitbit clocked 108 flights of stairs climbed that day!

There were lots of great things about my weekend...and some not so great.  I ate sugar again.  The ever popular "I'm on vacation so I deserve a treat" voice won again.  I made a conscious choice to eat the sugar, thinking I would get right back on when I got home, but it didn't work out that way.  I had another day of treat-eating to go before I could get back on track.  I also had to read almost an entire health book to make me WANT to get back on track!  It was only two days, but the mind does funny things when I go off my plan.  It doesn't take long before I find myself wondering if the plan is really that important.  I thought about all the out-of-town events I have coming up where I'll need to make exceptions to my diet or else be a really giant pain to the guests I am staying with, and I just felt my resolve to live this lifestyle weaken considerably.  I didn't gain weight, but I felt myself caring less about the whole effort.  My mind was starting to go the direction of "Eat, drink, and be merry."  It was crazy!

Fortunately, I had better voices going on in my head as well.  Underneath the "Eat, drink, and be merry" fog, I knew I wanted more than that.  I knew I had this blog and friends to hold me accountable.  I made myself read a health book, not wanting to do it, but knowing it would motivate me and it totally did.  I had that inner resolve that I would not give up on this journey, no matter how many setbacks I hit along the way and no matter how long it takes me to reach my destination.  As I was processing all of this, I came across this quote:

"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up." --Vince Lombardi

Then I got an e-mail from Brian Johnson titled "Never Waste a Mis-take.  It's all awesome data!"  I talk about this in my video more.  It is an awesome way of approaching our mistakes.  This was Brian's message:

Have you ever made a mistake?

(Hah.)

Right.

(I’ve made a mistake or 3 million as well.)

Here’s the deal: When we approach it with the right mindset (that would be a growth, experimental mindset), we come to realize that those mistakes are P R E C I O U S.

The data we get on what DOESN’T WORK is priceless.

Therefore, never (!) beat yourself up about a mis-take.

Simply remind yourself that we either win or we learn and that no movie was ever shot from start to finish without a ton of re-takes. Then say to yourself “Needs work!” as you rewind your game film, see yourself executing the oops scene perfectly and then get back at it.

Repeat.

Forever.

So…

Practical Reflection Time:

What was your last mistake?

What did you learn?

Run it through our little Mis-take process above and +1 it.

I actually took the time to write down my past few mistakes and what I learned from them.  It was a very revelatory process and I highly recommend it.  I'm starting to think this is THE KEY to success, at any endeavor.  My natural inclination is to think success (particularly weight loss) is all about being perfect and doing everything right the first time. I want that to be my experience.  I wish it came that easy for me!  Really though, the key is getting back up, trying again, learning from my mistakes, and moving forward after I make them.  I think that is going to make all the difference in this journey.  I will do as many retakes as I need to finally get the scene right!  I will reach my destination!

Week 20 Report

The struggle is real.

It's amazing how much one little vacation derailed me and it's even more amazing how difficult it is to get back on the rails once I get off!  I went on vacation with the best-laid plans.  I cooked the day before, planned my meals, brought healthy food, brought a microwave, etc.  And yet...I didn't stick with my best-laid plans.

What went right:

• I ate my planned meals for breakfast and lunch.
• I ate healthy foods on my vacation--salads, broccoli, fruits, pre-made meals reheated.
• I went on a walk early in the morning most days and hit 10,000 steps most days.
• I took the steps most of the time instead of the elevator and we were on the 4th floor.
• I didn't eat meat.

What went wrong:

• I ate sugar.  I could probably stop right there since that single behavior choice affected me the most and has been the hardest to recover from.  I made that "ONE" exception, like I have so many other times, confident that I really could limit it to a one-time thing for a special occasion.  Nope.  Every day seemed to be a special occasion in one way or another, with new desserts to try.  Desserts/treats were always available.  I never had to go out of my way to get them, they were just presented to me and although I decided each morning that I wasn't going to eat treats that day, when the opportunity arose each night to eat the desserts, I did.  I told myself, "I'm on vacation.  I'll get back on track tomorrow."  Rinse, repeat.
• I ate out too much.  Yes, I had plenty of food in my cooler in the hotel room to eat, but by dinner time, my kids and I were tired of being in the hotel/conference center, tired of eating our food from home warmed up in the microwave.  We wanted to go out for dinner and we did.  I tried to make healthy choices, but eating out always equals more calories, more fat, salt, and sugar, even when you go with the "enlightened" menu choices.
• By the last day of our trip, I had spiraled a bit from eating healthy all day with dessert at night, to snacking on other off-plan foods (chips, crackers, granola bars, trail mix).  We ended our trip at an amusement park and I didn't even try to refuse the funnel cake and ice cream.  Yikes!  I think I was gearing up to be perfect again the next day so I just abandoned most of my health goals (still worked on eating veggies and didn't eat meat).

So, that was the end of week 20.  I got on the scale Sunday morning, and sure enough, those choices had an effect.  Up 2.5 pounds.  It wasn't a huge surprise, but it still struck me how significantly a few bad choices, in the midst of other good choices, could still hurt the weight loss efforts so much.  Even maintaining a weight takes diligent effort.  I didn't expect to lose, but I secretly hoped I could maintain.  Nope.

So, there I was, 2.5 pounds up.  Feeling pretty sheepish about my post the previous week about how great I was doing.  Feeling the voices of despair trying to creep into my brain saying, 

• "You'll never get this."
• "You really can't stick to a healthy plan forever."
• "Did you actually think you had changed? You are still the same person with the same ingrained bad habits just waiting to return as soon as you let your guard down."
• "This isn't going to work.  You aren't going to get to a healthy weight.  All is lost."   

Those voices tried to bring me down, but I fought to resist them with these thoughts:

• It was one week.  I will get right back on track.  All is not lost.
• I can make better choices on the next vacation.  Even if I don't, all is not lost.  I don't go on vacation all of the time.  There are still plenty of weeks at home where I can make healthy choices with more ease.  All is not lost.
• I still made healthier choices than I have in vacations past.  I exercised.  I ate nourishing nutrient-dense foods.  I didn't abandon my efforts entirely.  All is not lost.

Yes, I kept saying, "All is not lost."  There was this part of me that really worried that all was lost because of one bad week!  It's silly, I know, but my brain kept going there.  I did my best to accept what was, and move forward with diligence on the lifestyle I had worked so hard to establish before I left.  

It hasn't been easy.  Sunday was a Mother's Day celebration at my in-laws where I overindulged again.  I had so many pressing things to attend to each day this past week, some unexpected, some a result of being on vacation.  I couldn't find time to make my video for this blog on Monday like I wanted to.  I couldn't even find time to write on the blog until today.  My frenzied pace left me little time to plan meals, go grocery shopping, cook healthy, exercise.  I still haven't made it to the grocery store since before my vacation!  I've had several lunch engagements with friends (they just all fell on this week), and even though I chose places to eat where I could get my kind of food, eating out = more calories, period.  

With all of this, I've really been fighting the discouragement bug.  Every healthy choice has felt like a chore.  Getting on the treadmill, cooking, cutting up fruits and veggies, it has all felt SO hard.  It feels like I'm trudging through mud instead of skipping on the paved road.  I had one week off from cooking and other responsibilities and it's weird how hard it has been to return to those habits.  I feel like I'm FINALLY getting back to where I want to be.  I've finally made it two days in a row without eating sugar.  It doesn't seem like much, but it's a huge factor in getting things turned around for me.  I've finally made it two days in a row without eating at night.  I finally walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes today (I've been getting it in intermittently, but not for the amount of time I wanted).  When I finish writing on here, I'm going to make my meal plan and finally get to the grocery store.  I don't know what my Sunday weigh-in is going to bring, but all is not lost.  All is not lost.

Sometimes my kids say just the right thing.  I was lamenting to my daughter about getting derailed.  I said, "I had finally lost 25 pounds and now I've ruined it."  She said, "But you've still lost 20," and she gave me a wink and a smile that said, "You've got this."

Sometimes things don't go as planned.  Sometimes we fall.  Sometimes we struggle to get back up.  It doesn't feel good.  It feels embarrassing.  But success is all about getting back up and continually trying.  You never fail until you quit trying.  I will keep trying, no matter how many times I fall.

Week 19 Report

At last!  I reached my 25-pound down mark!  I don't know why 25 pounds is more exciting than 24, but it is. :)  I guess I like increments of 5. :)  I posted a long post on the Engine 2 7-day Rescue (E27DR) facebook page today and I think I'll just copy and paste a bunch of it here since I'm short on time and it says a lot of things I want to say.  I'm trying to focus on the good and forgive myself for the "bad."  The less than ideal choices I make sometimes.  Here is the post:

Struggling to be perfect at this E27DR thing?  Me too!  But don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!  I’m here to say that ANY effort in the right direction counts.  It’s amazing what a difference the past four and a half months have made, even though I’m not sure I’ve been perfect even one day.  I joined the first 7DR in January and I’ve continued my plant strong journey ever since, with many a slip here and there.  I just keep getting back up and recommitting.  I feel pretty proud of myself when my eating lines up with the original E2 plan or FOK (Forks over Knives).  When it more closely resembles 7-day rescue (and sometimes it does), that’s a major bonus!  Even with my lower standards, I’ve lost 25 pounds so far.  Also, I just got my cholesterol re-checked and it went from 201 to 143.  I was ecstatic!  I’m not saying to shoot for low standards, but if you feel like you just can’t reach the 7DR level, don’t bail out of the effort entirely.  Celebrate what you are doing right, keep trying, keep improving your habits and it will bring results, though maybe not so quickly.  I still come on this page every day to get motivated by all the wonderful, positive people on here.

Celebrating what I’ve improved:

• ·         I eat loads of veggies, both raw and cooked.  I even eat greens sometimes at breakfast! :)  I’m always looking for ways to get more veggies in.
• ·         I eat more fruit.  Fruit is my treat.
• ·         I wake up in the morning eager to get on the treadmill for 40 minutes or more (this is a miracle since I could barely bring myself to do 10 minutes in the beginning).
• ·         I’ve cut out chicken, beef, pork, (still eat fish at restaurants on rare occasions).
• ·         I’ve cut out cheese and most dairy products (still eat small amounts in condiments occasionally).
• ·         I’ve drastically reduced my oil intake and rarely cook with it (but I don’t stress about oil in pre-bought pasta sauce, etc., that’s the least of my worries! LOL!  It’s the chips I have to watch out for.)
• ·         I’ve cut out desserts, cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. (yes, I’ve had some slips here and there, but 95% of the time I don’t eat those things).
• ·         I rarely eat white flour and try to choose in-tact whole-grains over flour whole-grains as much as possible.
• ·         I cook.  I cook a lot.  Last year, I rarely cooked at all and left it up to my husband and kids because I teach piano until the dinner hour.  I didn’t think I had time to cook, but I’ve made time.  I’ve learned the power of pre-chopping and batch cooking so there is always food in the fridge read to go.  I’ve learned how helpful it is to make large quantities of soup, casserole, etc. so we can eat left-overs for lunches.  I rarely eat out because there is actually food in my fridge that I want to eat.

Sometimes I feel bad that I’m not better at this.  Sometimes I read about people losing 40 pounds (or more) in less time and I compare it to my slower weight-loss and feel a little annoyed with myself for not stepping it up more.  At other times, I am able to give myself credit for the massive changes I have made.  I am able to celebrate the energy and lightness I feel, the mental clarity, the hope, and so many other good things.  My husband is so impressed and tells me to knock it off when I start comparing or belittling my progress.  If I am going to compare, why don’t I compare it to last year when I paid money every month to go to Weight Watchers and tried to count points and never even lost 15 pounds because I just wanted to eat more food!  Losing 25 pounds in 18 weeks without counting calories, and reducing my cholesterol by 58 points is cause to celebrate! 😊

What has helped me stick to it so far?  For me, it’s not about having the right knowledge about how to eat.  I’ve known the healthiest way to eat for years and years (yes, I learned about plant-based eating way back in college!).  But how do I follow what I know is best when I am experiencing stress, when I am surrounded by temptation, when I want to emotionally eat almost as much as I want to breath?  That is the real question!  This is what is helping me so far:

• ·         Staying immersed in the plant-based community.  This is crucial because I can quickly rationalize any behavior and find some “expert” who agrees that it is healthy.  Not to mention dealing with all the helpful family and friends who worry about my diet and ask me how long I’m going to be doing this.  I have to keep reading this facebook page, keep reading plant-strong books, keep watching plant-strong documentaries, keep following plant-strong doctors like Greger, McDougal, Esselstein, Fuhrman, Bernard.  This way of living is so different than the norm and I have to keep reminding myself that it is worth it.  More than that, it is awesome!  It’s a privilege to be part of this awesome community!
• ·         Staying accountable and enlisting support.  I started a blog the first week of my journey to talk about my efforts and I’ve updated it almost every week since.  I think only one person ever looks at it, but knowing that one person will look at it keeps me in the game.  As much as I love this facebook page, I could disappear and no one would never know.  If I stop reporting on my blog, someone would know (yes, that ONE person!).  I also met a plant-based friend on this community and we e-mail each other reports on our efforts.  The blog also serves as a place to work through my feelings about emotional eating, weight-loss efforts, etc.
• ·         The book “Never Binge Again” has actually been a huge help to me as well.  It doesn’t prescribe any specific diet, but it gives you tools for defeating the voices in your head that sabotage your healthy efforts and talk you out of making the good choices you really want to make.  I highly recommend this book if you’re having trouble sticking to healthy eating for any length of time.  The book “Bright Line Eating” was also really helpful in understanding food addiction and how the brain works and why bright lines are so helpful.  I don’t feel the desire to follow that strict program, but I learned a lot from Susan Pierce Thompson’s work.
• ·         Planning meals ahead of time.  Nothing fancy here.  Just thinking ahead and asking myself: what am I going to eat this week?  What am I going to eat today?  This saves me from having to make decisions when I’m hungry and my will power is low.  I already know what I’m going to eat because I thought about it that morning and I was able to start the rice on time and/or get the ingredients I needed.
• ·         Staying positive.  It is difficult.  I don’t always succeed at this, but I’ve read the studies and shaming yourself and beating your self up really doesn’t help.  It really doesn’t make you feel like eating kale.  It makes you feel like eating Big Macs and milkshakes.  The negative voices come into my head, but I just keep talking back to them and celebrating the things I’m doing right.

I’m sure there is more, but this has already turned into a novel!  I am immensely grateful to this community!  I know there are a lot of plant-based communities out there, but this is the one that boosts me the most, even if I don’t meet the standards.  You all are awesome!  Peace, Engine 2, Plant Strong.

Week 18 Report

I filmed this on Monday but forgot to post.  I have relatives visiting so no time for writing.  I'll be back next week!

Week 17 Report

Another week down and I'm feeling fabulous.  I lost two pounds which is really the most I ever hope for in a week. :)  Eating this way felt easier than ever and I'm full of hope for the future.  I WILL do this!  I talk about these things in the video, as well as my choice to eat flour products, which is evident in this week's food photos.

FOOD THIS WEEK:

One night I was running short on time, so we ate left-over chickpea soup and veggie quesadillas (always without queso, but I don't know what else to call them!).  I used a homemade hummus with cilantro, lime, jalapeno, and curry that I got from Lindsay Nixon at Happy Herbivore.  I wanted to include a link because it is my favorite hummus ever, and oil free, but I couldn't find the recipe on her website anymore.  Anyway, I used hummus, sauteed spinach and onions, and left-over broccoli on the quesadillas.  My husband rarely compliments my food, but he really loved this.  We could probably eat it every day, if I didn't love to try new things so much.  Ha, ha!

I also served that hummus at three different parties with veggies. A couple of piano students (the ones from India), asked for the recipe because they loved it.  I guess they are used to spicy foods with curry in it so it appealed to them.  I also used it at another meal on Engine 2 crackers with chopped veggies:

In the video, I mentioned my one heavy temptation moment with cheesy bread.  I defeated the temptation to eat it and took a photo instead.  This is what I did NOT eat even though I really wanted to!

I did NOT eat this even though I really wanted to!  It's amazing what smells can do to you!

I ate the soup and quesadillas instead, then later I had a little Friday night "treat" of popcorn and a blueberry spinach banana smoothie.  I'm trying to avoid drinking my calories, even in a smoothie, but this was my reward for not eating that cheesy bread! :)

I found a new product at Costco last week.  Whole grain ramen noodles (not fried).  Since my kids love Ramen (the terrible kind), I decided to give it a try.  It doesn't have any flavor with it, but my son added some teriyaki sauce to his noodles and liked it.  It beats the other kind by a long shot.  I made a stir-fry with it.

As I mentioned, my daughter wants to eat healthier.  She loves pasta, so I made this Vegan Alfredo sauce to go with it.  I added broccoli and salad to mine...I can't  promise she did the same.

This picture celebrates that for the first time in forever, I actually ate the whole box of greens and didn't have to throw away the ones that went bad. :)

I had a lot of simple meals this week.  I made this Chickpea salad recipe and ate it on sprouted bread for a couple meals topped with spinach and tomatoes.

It was so nice to have a week where my eating felt enjoyable and easy.  I hope next week will be the same!

Week 16 Report

I made my video on Monday but I forgot all about posting it until today.  Oops!  Busy week!  Isn't it always?!

As I report on my video, I was down 4 pounds at my Sunday weigh-in.  I was excited to get that vacation weight gain off plus a little extra.  My food was delicious and filling last week, even though I cut out flour products.  I focused on adding a lot of vegetables to my meals and limiting the number of times I eat a day.  I definitely wanted to eat more often, but I just tried to stay busy.  I say all of that in the video though, so why don't I quit talking and post a few food photos:

Love it when my grocery cart looks like this!

Lots of salads this week.  I included a big salad with most lunches and dinners.

Plant-based/Vegan Augratin potatoes and steamed broccoli

Love this mix from Trader Joe's when you need whole grains in a hurry--3 minutes in the microwave.

Hawaiian Haystacks with the rice medley shown above, vegan cheesy sauce,  romaine and spinach, red peppers, celery, green onions, pineapple, unsweetened coconut, slivered almonds.  I loved this so much, I ate two big plates of it and I was super stuffed.  One plate next time! :) 

I have oatmeal for breakfast almost every day, but I changed it up one day with only half my serving of oatmeal (ha, ha, I couldn't give it up entirely), and half a baked sweet potato pan-fried with vegetarian sausage and sauteed spinach.  Yum!

Brown rice topped with chopped spinach, sweet potato, black beans, red peppers, tomatoes, cilantro, homemade jalapeno hummus, and vegan sausage again.  Yep, I was crazy stuffed after one plate of this.

Lentil Loaf, mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy, broccoli, and sauteed squash.

I was able to go to Whole Foods Monday night and meet Rip Esselstyn, one of my great inspirations on my plant-based journey.  Check out his Engine 2 Website HERE.  

I snapped a couple photos of myself this morning so I could have a full body shot to compare to down the road.  I failed to do that at the beginning!